Oracy - talking and developmental communication
Overview
You know the scenario. You pick up your child from school and open the conversation:
‘What did you do today?’; ‘Nothing much.’; ‘What, nothing at all?’ ‘Can’t remember.’
If this sounds familiar, don’t worry. You’re not alone! So how do you avoid your child’s monosyllabic conversation-stoppers and encourage her to be a confident talker? And how do you get her to talk to you if something is really bothering her? This article suggests how you can engage her in meaningful (interesting and fun!) conversations.
The importance of talking to and listening to your child
Most research into children’s language development concludes that, in the classroom, children just practise the language they’ve learned at home. How you talk to her determines how she learns to communicate with you and others. Babies know how to take turns in a conversation from as early as six months. As their language skills become more sophisticated, you realise how much of your vocabulary, grammar and accent they mimic. The more you ask her questions and actively encourage her to talk, the more confidence she’ll have to communicate with others. She’ll learn how to:
– ask for what she wants
– use questions to find things out
– express her feelings and opinions
– make and develop friendships
– have polite and respectful conversations
– enjoy using language creatively (eg telling jokes)
– use a wide range of vocabulary
– use language accurately
– be a good listener.
Research also shows that strong oracy skills directly relate to reading/writing skills. So if she’s confident orally, she’ll probably read and write more easily.
Creating the right atmosphere for talk
Creating an atmosphere where you take time to listen and talk to your child is the most important way to increase her self-esteem and give her maximum confidence to be herself. If you listen to your child and value what she says, she’ll enjoy sharing her opinions and feelings with you.
This doesn’t happen overnight. It requires plenty of your time and patience, but it’s worth it. You’ll be helping her develop important communication skills for the rest of her life, developing your relationship with her, and showing her how to respect and enjoy the company of others.
There are several ways to create the right atmosphere so that your child is more likely to talk:
– make eye contact when speaking or listening
– treat adults and children with equal respect
– give her lots of time to answer – don’t interrupt
– always answer her questions; if you don’t know the answer or haven’t got time, say so and provide explanations where possible
– give your child your full attention if something is bothering her and needs to be dealt with now
– make sure your child trusts you not to criticize or make fun, then she’ll open up to you honestly
– don’t hide your feelings
– apologize when you need to
– give your child advice only if she asks for it – encourage her to problem-solve herself
– ask one question at a time and don’t pester your child with questions, because she’ll only back off if you do
– it’s also better to let your child come to you (if she’s playing or tired, she might not want to talk)
– recognize that she’s entitled to her privacy – she doesn’t have to tell you everything.
Creating talk opportunities
‘Talk opportunities’ arise in everyday life and can provide the perfect context for a stimulating dialogue. There are many ways to start conversations with your child and encourage them to become confident talking to others.
You can use ordinary situations at home:
– sit down with your child at mealtimes and talk
– have family discussions (eg where to go for a special outing)
– discuss a new book, toy or television programme
– laugh together – tell her a silly story or funny joke
– have a special time together just for you and your child to talk, maybe before bedtime.
You can start an activity which will trigger conversation:
– switch off the television so you can play a game and chat together
– get your child involved in cooking, washing-up, gardening, etc, and chat as you work
– learn how to play a new game together
– teach your child a new skill and let her teach you something in return
– do something creative together – collect stones and paint them or listen to music and dance
– play lots of language games (eg ‘I Spy’).
You can use situations to stimulate conversations between yourself and your child:
– watch or read the news together and discuss it
– let your child talk to people in different situations – perhaps she could ask for something at the supermarket, or answer telephone calls
– go on an outing together (eg to see a film) – always guaranteed to inspire lots of talk.
You can use questioning to start the ball rolling:
– encourage her imagination by wondering (eg ‘Imagine what the world would be like if everyone had the same colour hair?’)
– stimulate her curiosity by asking questions you can research together (eg ‘I wonder how much water there is in the sea?’).
There are endless opportunities to have fun talking together and you will be showing your child how much you love them with words and actions.
How to respond when something is bothering your child
If children feel good, their behaviour is good. Here’s a way to give first aid to a child in distress. Ask her first what the matter is and then:
1 Listen with full attention.
2 Don’t ask more questions, just say ‘Oh… mmm… I see’, making it clear that you care
3 Identify her feelings in words. (‘That sounds really disappointing’)
4 Give her her wishes in fantasy. (‘I wish I had the magic power to make it stop raining so we could go to the swings.’)
The less you say, the more quickly your child is likely to deal with her feelings, probably even solving the problem herself.
Asking the right questions
Finally, back to that just-arrived-home-from-school scenario. It’s worth being more specific. Find out what lessons are on her timetable. Then you can ask ‘What did you do in PE today?’ or ‘Did you do anything new in maths?’, rather than ‘What did you do in school today?’, which is so vague that your child doesn’t know what to tell you about. Better still, try enquiries such as ‘Tell me two interesting things you learned today’, ‘Now tell me one not-so-nice thing that happened’ or ‘Who did you play with at lunchtime?’.
There are two basic types of question:
– Closed questions (usually with only one possible correct answer) which can be used to encourage your child to recall or apply facts already learned.
– Open questions (usually requiring more complex answers and not a right/wrong situation) which can be used to develop your child’s imagination.
Clearly, for these conversations it’s open questions that you need to ask more often. And the sharper your questions are, the sharper the answers you might get.
In Conclusion
Showing a real interest is the most important thing. Your child feels valued and listened to. Remember to strike a balance – you don’t want to upset her by constantly asking questions! In the end, with the right approach and allowing her her own ‘space’ after a school day, you can make it more likely she’ll come to you at crucial times – when she’s scared or doesn’t understand something. The time you spend talking to your children is one of the greatest gifts you can ever give them.
Websites
Research shows that children want and need moral guidance from their parents. There are excellent websites offering practical tips and techniques for talking easily and openly with children.
www.direct.gov.uk– full of useful information on learning and education; and advice for parents (eg things you can say to keep your child safe from crime and abuse).
www.parentlineplus.co.uk
Parentline plus can help with parenting advice.
www.raisingkids.co.uk
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